FLYING SOLO

Sheila Walker describes the opportunities of holidays alone
 

There are a great many things we have to come to terms with when we are initially a ‘singleton’ after having been one half of a couple. Most of the changes involved are to do with taking on tasks – whether they be major decision-making or simple chores – which previously have been a joint effort.

So, what do we do? Well, we cope. Life goes on and, even if we make a fine mess of doing what someone else used to do most competently, for the most part our response is adequate.

This applies to the day-to-day management of our life, but then we get on to more difficult areas, and here I would like to consider the problem of holidays.

Of course, holidays should not be a problem – they should be pleasurable interludes, providing opportunities for renewal, fostering new interests, meeting new people and generally extending the horizons of what might have become a fairly humdrum existence.

Take-off

It seems to me that the whole matter, especially as a first-time project, demands a strategy. Of course, one can go and stay with friends. Those who are considerate and concerned with our welfare will often offer the opportunity for a holiday staying in their home – whether in the UK or elsewhere – and this kindness is to be cherished.

Naturally, there are certain factors to be considered: how long should the stay last (the old saying is that both fish and visitors deteriorate after three days!); how you will manage tactfully to cover your share of expenses, the acceptance that one must fall in with the host’s wishes and tastes whether shared or not. That said, if it is difficult to face a holiday where you set off ‘under your own steam’ then friends’ hospitality may be the answer.

Much the same considerations arise on suggesting a shared holiday with an acquaintance. When you really get along well, everything can be fine – equally, problems can arise and small irritations can grow into stressful situations possibly overshadowing your time spent together.
However, there is the opportunity to strike out on your own, and thereby to gain a good deal of self-confidence

Flight plan

Personally, I find there are certain guidelines to follow:

• I prefer to be with a mixed group and to ensure that, generally speaking, most participants eat together – solitary meals can be wretched affairs, more concerned with refuelling than an opportunity for enjoyable exchanges.

• Another aspect to consider is the amount of ‘free time’ involved. Few of us want to be constantly harried from one activity to the next, but equally the solitary reading of a book, even on a glorious beach in some distant spot, can be but a small improvement on gracing one’s own patio.

• Shared interests form a good basis for holiday conversations, whether it be walking, archaeology, music touring in a foreign country – we all have multiple things we like to do, or have always thought we might like to try – and like-minded companions make for easy interchange.

• My experience is that fellow holiday-makers are very willing to be of help, offering a plaster for blistered feet, helping with an awkward piece of equipment, advising on the shops they have found or sharing their expertise in a subject which is new to you.

• On this basis, you too will certainly have something to offer your companions. They will not have already heard your stories, probably will not have been where you have been or done what you have done.

• A wicked consideration is that, if you are skilled at keeping up a fiction and not burdened with a compulsion to be strictly honest, you can edit accounts of your past life with impunity. Do be careful with that one, though!

• There may be a temptation to see the opportunity of making a new relationship. I say ‘temptation’ not because I feel that would be a bad outcome from a holiday (far from it) but because I believe that such developments should come naturally, rather than as a result of a successful ‘fishing trip’. I have seen the happiest of outcomes of two lonely people finding companionship, but have also seen the nicest people making a mistake which can ruin the memories which are the legacy of this precious holiday.

Happy landings

And, talking of memories, it is enjoyable to look back at what you have achieved. A diary, bolstered by some photographs or leaflets, can be good to look back on, regardless of whether you were in Nepal or Devon, and will provide the spur for your next decision to ‘fly solo’.

Finally, look at our guide to Holidaying Alone and, oh yes, Have a good holiday!
 

laterlife interest

The above article is part of the features section of laterlife.com called laterlife interest. laterlife interest contains a variety of articles of interest for visitors to laterlife.com written by a number of experienced and new journalists.

It includes both one off articles and also associated regular columns of a more specialist nature such as Healthwise, Talkback, Gardener's Diary, and a beauty section called Looking good in later life.

There's also 'It could be you' by Maggi Stamp laterlife's counsellor on human relationships. 

Also don't forget to take a look at our regular IT question and answer section called YoucandoIT by IT trainer and author Jackie Sherman.

To view the latest articles click on laterlife interest or to view indexes to previous articles click on laterlife interest index. To search for articles about a certain topic, use the site search feature at the top of the navigation.