Talkback 80          December 2006

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Enough Stuff Already

It’s the season for giving and we don’t want anything (I speak on behalf of husband as well). We have too many ‘things’ already. As we get older, we don’t want ‘things’. We have already acquired quite a lot. And in these days of minimalism, we have enough stuff.

Does this add up to being ungrateful or over-choosey? Maybe. But in this materialistic age, when the Christmas lights are switched on increasingly early to attract more shoppers, it should be a welcome relief all round.

I have been pondering on the subject of possessions. In his memoir of the Holocaust, Nine Suitcases, Bela Zsolt, a writer in exile, reflects on his wife’s insistence that they bring the said nine suitcases to Paris when they are escaping from the Nazis. He says: “…these objects had not merely material value but represented security, confidence, rank, the gold cover of life…The objects were divinities.”
 

So that’s why in ancient times the dead were buried with their possessions – “rank, the gold cover of life”.

Of course, we treasure objects that have happy memories for us. We define ourselves through these items. An antique brooch inherited from a grandmother can be a highly prized object. A book inscribed by a parent can bring back loving memories. Photo albums can evoke holidays from the past and childhood experiences. Even unhappy memories inspire reflections on the objects we associate with them.

But it can be liberating to be free of possessions. A writer in the Guardian, who had lost all his possessions when he stored them in a van prior to moving home, said: “Suddenly I felt liberated. Without all my stuff, I was free to go where I wanted with ease.” He goes on to say: “I realised that what counted were relationships”.

I do appreciate that children, friends and family may want to give us things, and I am depriving them of the opportunity to do so (though I also sense relief when I tell them ‘no presents please’). And we do give to the grandchildren, and they to us too.
 

We had a spell of giving foods to each other: expensive olive oils and balsamic vinegars, chocolates, wines, etc. But then we found that the following year some of the items were still unopened, because we had stocked up previously with olive oils and so on.

There are ways of giving: book tokens, theatre vouchers, concert tickets, taking the family out for lunch or dinner or tea, or entertaining them at home. When we mistakenly went to the wrong theatre (there are two named the Lyric in London) and we missed the performance, our children got us tickets again. That was a thoughtful gesture, much appreciated.

If you have further ideas of gifts for birthdays, anniversaries and other major events, email me at helen@laterlife.com


 

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