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Talkback is a
regular feature in laterlife.com run by
journalist and author Helen Franks.
Welcome to talkback 80
Read Helen's views and ideas, then add
your own by emailing her on helen@laterlife.com.
Whatever your opinion on the subject under
discussion, Helen wants to hear it.
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topics for talkback, please email Helen with
the details. And remember you can also start your own
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Enough Stuff Already
It’s the season for giving and we don’t want anything (I
speak on behalf of husband as well). We have too many ‘things’
already. As we get older, we don’t want ‘things’. We have
already acquired quite a lot. And in these days of minimalism,
we have enough stuff.
Does this add up to being ungrateful or over-choosey?
Maybe. But in this materialistic age, when the Christmas lights
are switched on increasingly early to attract more shoppers, it
should be a welcome relief all round.
I have been pondering on the subject of possessions. In
his memoir of the Holocaust, Nine Suitcases, Bela Zsolt,
a writer in exile, reflects on his wife’s insistence that they
bring the said nine suitcases to Paris when they are escaping
from the Nazis. He says: “…these objects had not merely material
value but represented security, confidence, rank, the gold cover
of life…The objects were divinities.”
So that’s why in ancient times the dead were buried with
their possessions – “rank, the gold cover of life”.
Of course, we treasure objects that have happy memories for
us. We define ourselves through these items. An antique
brooch inherited from a grandmother can be a highly prized
object. A book inscribed by a parent can bring back loving
memories. Photo albums can evoke holidays from the past and
childhood experiences. Even unhappy memories inspire reflections
on the objects we associate with them.
But it can be liberating to be free of possessions. A
writer in the Guardian, who had lost all his possessions when he
stored them in a van prior to moving home, said: “Suddenly I
felt liberated. Without all my stuff, I was free to go where I
wanted with ease.” He goes on to say: “I realised that what
counted were relationships”.
I do appreciate that children, friends and family may want to
give us things, and I am depriving them of the opportunity
to do so (though I also sense relief when I tell them ‘no
presents please’). And we do give to the grandchildren, and they
to us too.
We had a spell of giving foods to each other: expensive
olive oils and balsamic vinegars, chocolates, wines, etc. But
then we found that the following year some of the items were
still unopened, because we had stocked up previously with olive
oils and so on.
There are ways of giving: book tokens, theatre vouchers,
concert tickets, taking the family out for lunch or dinner or
tea, or entertaining them at home. When we mistakenly went to
the wrong theatre (there are two named the Lyric in London) and
we missed the performance, our children got us tickets again.
That was a thoughtful gesture, much appreciated.
If you have further ideas of gifts for birthdays, anniversaries
and other major events, email me at
helen@laterlife.com
Helen would still like to hear your views
Don`t forget to take a look at Helen`s healthwise column
too
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