Support group
for grandparents
Chris Leaves, director of the
centre, organised the support group - the only one in the country - after
she and her husband took on the care of two granddaughters and realised the
need to talk out the experiences.
 These
mid-lifers discovered they had little in common with friends who had raised
their families but were now enjoying the empty nest.
One women tells of the harrowing illness and death of her 24-year-old
daughter from a kidney tumour,
leaving young children. Gran
took the two girls into her home. Their father was in a new relationship and unable to care for them.
Nor would the trials of raising
toddlers captivate the empty-nesters. A grandfather tells of raising two stepgrandchildren aged three and four.
The daughter’s partner had left her and she could not cope on her own. His problem is how to juggle his part-time job, his wife’s part-time job and
to make sure one or the other is at home to mind the young ones.
Why parents
give up
These grandparents are a growing
band. ‘Mental illness, death of
young mothers are not new,’ says Chris Leaves.
‘But today the breakdown of families contributes more and more to the
phenomenon. And the increase in teenage pregnancy.’
But Leaves believes the major factor
is the Children Act of 1989.
Before the act, when courts were ruling on who should take care of children
in these situations, the courts
were putting them into local authority care, where they were put up for
fostering or adoption.
Sensibly, the idea was changed to ‘let’s keep it in the family’,
meaning grandparents or other relatives.’
The challenges for grandparents are
large. How do you explain to
a six-year-old why their father or mother is unable to look after them?
What logic do you search for to explain to two adolescents that daddy really
does care for them though he chose a second marriage and the stepchildren
who came with it?
The Peterborough group goes for
reassurance and love, kisses and cuddles - even more than they gave to their
own children at a similar stage.
Is the age gap
a problem?
Many of the group have gone back to
school in order to grasp new maths and master computer technology so that
they can help with the homework.
Are the children embarrassed
about having grandparents at PTA meetings?
Not much says the head of the local school.
It is common these days to live
in a no-traditional family. A
study revealed that in one class alone only three children resided in a
household with both parents.
 Children
cost money, which is tough on a retirement income.
Retirement savings may be spent on teenagers.
And some grandparents have no choice but to give up working.
Local authorities may help with a means-tested maintenance allowance,
but procedures vary.
Even so, ask any of these
grandparents how they feel about their commitment, and they are unanimous.
‘It is immensely rewarding, worth every sacrifice.
We couldn’t do otherwise.’
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