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Cox’s gentle questions lull me into a semi-trance state. She picks up on
my own words, which she repeats to me, a technique known as “clean
language.” I tell her about my accident – working in a theatre I managed
to “fly” the wrong way – 45 feet into the air with my hand wedged in a
pulley.
Cox asks me to imagine a heightsituation,
breaking down my actions: how many steps up I can go before I start to
become afraid, exactly where in my body do I feel the fear? (A pricking
in the back of my legs.)
“This is classic Neuro-Linguistic Programming - ‘chunking down’ a
problem into manageable segments,” she says, getting me to describe it
in metaphorical terms – the shape of the fear, what it wants to do and
how I feel about it.
I find myself getting fuzzy. A few minutes later I apologise for having
fallen asleep. Cox tells me I haven’t been asleep. She has been
talking and I have been responding for the past 45 minutes. Not only
that, I awoke when she asked me to.
I have been hypnotised.
Sensible shoes in St Paul’s I am
rather excited about St Paul’s Cathedral. I enlist the company of a
friend, wear sensible shoes, tie my hair back and carry a rucksack-style
handbag. The stairs are wide, and I feel almost as if I am cheating. To
prove I’m not, I march straight up beyond the gallery, as far as the
public can go. The steps become narrower, and then turn to wrought iron
- through which I can see rather further than I would like. I’m doing
it. I stand at the top, surveying birds-eye London with my stunned
friend, grinning like a lunatic.
For the rest of the afternoon, my legs shake uncontrollably.
Why I am shaking Cox decides to delve
a little deeper, using a little classic Freudian psycho-dynamic work to
find why I am shaking. I once again ‘fall asleep’. This time, I am
vaguely aware that at one point I shout, “It wasn’t my fault – I just
forgot”. I have been blaming myself for my accident – and not trusting
myself with heights ever since.
Monumental moments All 311 steps of
The Monument were designed with a hole though the middle so that a
telescope could be placed through - which means that if you look down
you can see all the way. Cox and I have worked on what I would do if I
met people going in the opposite direction, but I am still nervous.
Going up, however, is fine.
I even step on a narrow bit when a fat woman with a rucksack crashes
past me. Some bemused German tourists take a picture for me in exchange
for my pointing out St Paul’s. I resist relating my experiences there
last week. It won’t mean much to them.
Going down is less easy. I bring into play some Cognitive Behavioural
Therapy, modelling myself on a showgirl friend of mine, who goes down
steps in seven-inch platforms by feeling her way down via the back of
the stiletto heels. Imagining myself as a showgirl does the trick.
Safely on the ground, I insist I am given one of the colour-in
certificates they normally reserve for the under-tens.
And so to my b?e-noire It
was the scene of a previous failure, Alfred’s Tower, a folly built as
part of the Stourhead Estate in Wiltshire. Approaching it this second
time, it doesn’t look 160 feet high, but I can already feel that
tingling at the back of my legs. I try to put the fears out of my head,
and boldly go forward.
The steps are as uneven as before. There is still no handrail. I am not
happy about this. I am really not happy about this. But I’m
doing it. I’m doing it. I’m not avoiding heights…
Safe on solid ground again, I find myself dreaming. Like an
ex-vegetarian who can suddenly order anything on the menu, I can travel
anywhere I like. A balloon ride, perhaps, a Tall Ship’s trip. Climbing
through the canopy of a rainforest sounds fun. I wonder what the inside
of our loft actually looks like….
Claire Cox, CHP(NC) NRHP (Assoc)
Woodberry Stress Management, 020 8444 0519
Email:
Claire.cox@talk21.com
www.londonstressmangement.co.uk
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