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Visualise how you would like to be
in advance. Remember, singles are looking for friends, and not just
dates, so expect to speak to everyone. Take a deep breath, relax and
walk in slowly. Top Tip 1 – Don’t look
like you’re ready to run! Once you are
through the door, stop, scan the room, rest your eyes on someone
standing near to you. Smile. If no once catches your eye, you can look
at a lampshade or at the hideous curtains, but don’t let your eyes dart
about. Tell yourself to stay calm. See where the drinks are and go over
to get yourself one. If you don’t want alcohol, water is fine.
After that, look around again. Don’t rush
and don’t cling onto your drink for dear life. Body language is
important and even though you’ll have butterflies in your tummy, think
of something you like doing (lying on a warm beach, walking in the
park), to help you appear relaxed and at ease.
Top Tip 2 – Look for someone standing on
their own (and keep on smiling). They
will be grateful if you go up to them, shake hands and introduce
yourself. “Hello, I’m Jim (or Jane) and it’s my first time here…” is an
acceptable conversation opener and will invariably produce a reciprocal
introduction if accompanied by a smile.
Top Tip 3 – How to circulate.
A little fantasizing always comes in
useful. Pretend you are the host and these are your guests. You are
expected to smile at, shake hands and talk to everyone.
Top Tip 4 – Listen and ask questions.
Don’t be struck dumb! Focus your
attention on the person you are talking to. Rather than talking about
yourself find out who the person is and what they care about. Being a
good listener and picking up information provide further openers for
conversation.
Top Tip 5 - Say something that will
guarantee a positive response. “That’s a
wonderful tie (scarf, necklace, earrings, shirt…). Did you buy it here
or abroad?” This will lead to an answer that you can perhaps echo: if it
was bought in New York (“Isn’t shopping in NY great?”) or Selfridges
(“My favourite store! Have you seen their amazing book department?”) 0r
the conversation can lead to holidays, travel experience…
If there’s no feature you can focus on,
try: “I’ve heard the food here is (not) very good. Are you a sushi
person like me?” Or: “Theatre can be either wonderful or disappointing
but opera always takes my breathe away. Which do you prefer or are you
into cinema?” Use your imagination and bounce something back.
Top Tip 6 – The feel-good factor. Give a compliment!
Face value is the currency at a singles social event so you can use a
“killer compliment”.
“You look far too young for this age group!” or : “What a beautiful
colour. It really suits you”.
Top Tip 7 – Become an insider. Listen
for “trigger” words to create a bond! If
you hear someone talking about a movie, TV programme or play you
recently saw, join the conversation. Politely. “Excuse me for butting
in, but I saw that film too and I agree with you, the acting was
brilliant (or awful)! Wasn’t the photography beautiful?”
Top Tip 8 - Be graceful. Learn how to extradite yourself without
embarrassment. If you realise that
you’ve landed yourself with the world’s biggest bore and don’t want to
continue the conversation, try to make an elegant exit. “If you don’t
mind, I’d like to mingle. I’ll see you later”. Or: “Please excuse me,
I’ve just seen someone I must say hello to”. If that’s a fabrication,
then make a beeline towards somebody else and start a new conversation!
You don’t want to humiliate or embarrass anyone else and certainly
wouldn’t want it to happen to you.
Tell yourself you are OK. Think of times when you have felt successful,
liked or achieving in some way. Try to recreate the sense of
satisfaction that you felt on these occasions.
Next month: Sarah offers tips on how to promote yourself in
the internet
Previous editions of this series
Edition
1 Seeking a new
partner
Edition
2 Sarah offers tips on
going to ‘singles’ social events
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