 Nothing could be more damaging than to tell your son you do
not like his wife. He will feel criticised and rejected and be forced to take sides.
You are his parents and he will want to please you. But you could let him know how much
you enjoy his company, and miss the opportunity to chat with him in the way you used to,
if only for half an hour when he is passing.
You owe it to your son to back him up in his
decisions and not undermine them, but you can let him know if you feel he is pushing
himself too hard, or is looking tired. This way he will feel you are still looking out for
him in the loving way you always have. And then he is more likely to come and talk to you
if things worry him. Take care, however, not to let your comments look like a criticism of
his wife.
You could also try complimenting your
daughter-in-law on her home, even say how hard it it is to keep the home looking
spotless when both are working full time. Ask for her secret, acknowledge that we all have
different ways of doing things and that you admire her style. This will reassure her that you have recognised her
skills. It might just help her feel she is good at what she does and doesn't have to prove
herself to you.
Knowing
that the couple are busy at weekends, you could suggest a regular slot to meet, say once a
month for tea, or whatever suits you both. Be prepared for rejection but stick with it. If you show tolerance, things should improve in
time.
 For reasons of confidentiality Maggi never writes about a
particular person but all her examples are based on problems raised by clients,
family and friends over the years. We hope you find the column useful and interesting
… and if you have any comments or
suggestions, Maggi would like to hear from you.
Either share some your own experiences in the laterlife forum or email her on maggi@laterlife.com .
To view previous editions of Maggi`s column see below:
1. - Retirement, a hidden sting?
2. - Boundaries of being a grandparent
3. - Still strangers after all these years
4. - First steps to a new beginning
5. - Holidays can spell trouble
6. - A new start after divorce
7. - Sarah leaves home
8. - Sex in a long-term relationship
9. - What about the children
10. - So good when they go
11. - We are never ready for this
12. - Time for a Spring-clean
13. - I don`t like granny
14. - Black sheep or just different?
15. - Is it our age or is our marriage on the rocks?
If you would like
to contact Maggi at her Consultancy you can phone her on 0207 7337890.
Please don't send any confidential information to laterlife.com
To view previous articles - see the laterlife-interest index page
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