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IT COULD BE YOU….
’I’m 54 and I don’t want to go on working’
A laterlife visitor writes to say that at 54 years old she is
finding the last few years at work very difficult. She feels depressed
at the prospect of having to be the main breadwinner until retirement
in a job she is completely bored with – even though she says it is a
good job and feels she should be grateful. She has worked at the same
job for eighteen years and wonders how to keep going without
enthusiasm.
Maggi replies…
Like many others, you are counting time and resenting every minute.
You have a good, responsible job and know there are benefits. But you
have been doing the same thing for eighteen years, are bored and
depressed at the thought of having to carry on for at least another
six years.
Whatever your job is, it sounds like the rest of your life suffers as
a result. The focus of your life will probably have changed over the
years since you started this job and first enjoyed the challenges it
brought you.
Here are a few questions to consider:
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Are you able to talk freely about your worries with a partner or
spouse, or a friend if you are living alone?
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Have you adjusted your way of working, ways of doing home chores and
ways of relaxing, or kept to your routine but tried harder?
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Is there any way you can change the format of your work in order to
relieve the monotony of it?
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You do not say what your home life is like. Are you bored with that
too?
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Are you feeling the stress of getting to another stage in life where
energy is depleted more quickly?
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Do you resent being the main breadwinner?
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Are you happy with how your relationship works or could that too
benefit from a few changes so that both feel responsible for what
needs to be a joint responsibility?
Think carefully about what the boredom with your job actually means
and what is boredom with your life in general. Many people in
their fifties find with dismay that they don’t enjoy the things they
used to and need to adjust routines.
For women the menopause and post-menopause can have deep and
long- lasting effects on health and emotional well-being. Physical
changes have a knock-on effect that lead some women to feel they
aren’t coping with things in the way they used to.
The symptoms can be mild, with just a general tiredness and
heaviness at times when periods used to happen, or a short time having
hot flushes or night sweats, but these and other symptoms can prove to
be a greater and longer- lasting problem. Sleep that is regularly
disturbed results in weariness becoming part of everyday life. Anxiety
over health, fitness, weight, sex, career, or a partner who seems less
interested, can also trigger depression or relationship problems.
A proportion of women will go to their GP or a counsellor to
discuss such matters, some will talk things through with their partner
and work it out that way, but some will press on even harder - and
blame themselves for losing grip on things.
For men, too, this particular life stage can throw an
unexpected googly from time to time. In their late fifties and early
sixties many men are looking, with either pleasure or dread, towards
the end of their career – assessing their achievements, comparing
themselves to colleagues and friends, facing changes in their energy
levels and fitness. Some may have given up their more energetic
activities and substituted by watching TV instead. They may inwardly
begin worrying about weight gain, lack of energy, less interest in sex
– or lack of sexual satisfaction, career status, pension and marriage.
Like women, they ae concerned about many things – but are less likely
to say so.
For everyone, the best way of sorting out how to cope is to talk
about it and consider the following:
You have spent many years working hard.
By the time you approach and reach retirement age, whether you worked
at home or elsewhere - or juggled the two – your working life will
have taken up a large part of your time and energy. You deserve to
take things a little steadier if you are able to do so; you need to
change the way in which you rest and spend your leisure time at the
very least.
You may have less energy now than, say, in your forties.
As we age, energy and stamina levels drop faster. It is important to
try to arrange the day in order to conserve energy and rest a little
more. We can take more short breaks from what we are doing if our work
allows. In those short breaks, it is important to get up and walk
around - outside if possible - and to take some deep breaths to
re-oxygenate the body. We tire more when there isn’t enough oxygen in
our blood. If, and only if, you have a good boss, ask to change your
working pattern a bit or stagger working hours – while explaining how
your work will benefit.
Think about your nutrition.
Do you eat well or snack on lots of sweet things for energy? If you
do, change your snacks to foods which take longer to digest. Sweets
and biscuits give your body a fast high that soon leaves the system
craving more as they have stimulated the release of high levels of
insulin which the body manufactures to regulate blood sugar levels.
Have a healthy breakfast of foods that have slow-energy release. Take
fruit, meusli bars, packs of raisins and dried fruits, nut and seeds
or raw vegetables as snacks. Eat wholewheat bread and avoid refined or
salty foods that are processed too fast by your body and then clog it
up, making it feel sluggish.
A relationship means shared responsibility.
If changing your work pattern is not possible, then change things at
home. For instance, make sure you share the chores even if it means
things aren’t done your way. Negotiate. A reluctant partner might fear
being de-skilled by criticisms or feel you do things so well there is
no need to change. Reassure. Explain that you will both gain through
mutual support and understanding. By sharing tasks you will have more
energy to enjoy things and your partner will have a greater feeling of
being involved in running the home.
There is some sense in thinking of the money.
Most people work to earn enough to live on and raise their family. Any
funds over are a luxury. If you have this luxury, use some of it give
yourself small but regular rewards so you experience pleasure directly
connected with the reason you work.
If you are in a relationship, discuss these issues.
Work out a plan that suits you both and yields joint pleasures. To
share a problem, to listen well and offer support, to help find
solutions and reap mutual benefits… all these are extremely bonding
for a marriage.
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