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Would she eventually come face to face with a new partner, a computer
nerd, a weirdo or an axe murderer?
After 27 years of what he had felt was a happy marriage, Michael’s wife
announced that she was leaving him. Distraught, he joined a social group
and thought he had gone to sleep and woken up in a chocolate box. What a
choice! Blondes, brunettes, red heads, thin, plump, sexy, smart, as well
as the plain and dowdy. Next day he telephoned the event organiser to
ask for some telephone numbers.
“If you spoke to these ladies, why didn’t you ask them yourself?” she
enquired. After a minute’s silence, Michael sheepishly said, “I was
frightened they wouldn’t want me to ring them.”
SEEKING A NEW PARTNER
Sarah Frankel, who used to run a dating agency, offers advice
What you might have done with ease in your youth becomes an ordeal
in later life. After divorce and widowhood, suddenly your whole world is
turned upside down, everyone is married and you are alone, the
gooseberry.
Both men and women find re-entering the
singles scene intimidating. They may have a lot of baggage in the
form of emotional attachment to their past partner, and they will
perhaps want to talk about the person in a social setting, knowing that
this could be off-putting to anyone new. It can be two or more years
before they may feel able to consider dating again.
Once they feel ready, they may discover unexpected fears like those
expressed above. But there are proven ways to boost self-confidence,
suppress those butterflies in the stomach and reduce the tension and
terror.
FIRST STEPS
-
Don’t expect miracles. Although you may
believe in love at first sight, you are more likely to meet someone when
you least expect it. It may take time and may not be instantaneous.
-
Look to your old friends. Ask them round for
a drink, lunch, dinner. Don’t be scared of asking couples. They will be
reassured to learn that you are getting on with your life.
-
Make new friends. Instead of chasing a
potential partner and finding a dodgy date or a piece of arm candy, a
good way to ease yourself into the singles arena is to make new friends.
-
How? Join a class – anything from art,
exercise to writing a novel. Learn to play bridge. Join a reading group
or a walking group or a bereavement group. Get on to your residents’
association committee. Do voluntary work.
-
Who? Look out for other singles, divorced,
bereaved; people who have had similar experiences to yours. You will
find people to go a movie with, people to have dinner with, people to go
on holiday with. You will relax when you recognize that you are not
alone.
All new singles go through exactly the
same doubts and despair to reach a new, not unpleasant, reality.
What of Jeanette, Mary and Michael? Three years later, Jeanette is
onto her second relationship; Mary is busy playing bridge and going out
with her new friends. Michael now has the confidence to ask a lady for
her number and once a week has dinner with three other single men.
Next month: Sarah offers tips on going to ‘singles’ social events
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laterlife interest
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