 Staying in other people`s houses
Jeanne Davies uncovers the minefield of being a guest
and offers a few hints for all concerned…
Staying in other people’s houses is fraught with
difficulties. Even the most self-assured
person can turn into a mass of anxieties. You may think you know someone very well, but
behind that front door is probably a domestic routine very different from your own, and
adjusting to it can create many unforeseen problems. Questions such as when is breakfast,
how to keep warm when they don’t use the central heating, when to have a bath if you
are sharing the bathroom, should you offer to wash up, or say something about the hardness
or shortness of the bed all take on a ridiculous urgency.
I recall the first time I stayed with my sister-in-law, when the breakfast issue arose. I felt a twinge of anxiety when she told me that breakfast was served at 9 am. My waking time is 7 am, when I desperately
need a cup of coffee or tea. Otherwise
I sink into a deep sugar low and, worse, depression. I should have said something, but
didn’t, a decision I came to regret.
True to schedule, I woke at 7 and listened
hopefully for sounds of life. Nothing. I
had seen enough of the house to know approximately where the kitchen was. At 7:30, I crept along a dark hall and down the
staircase to the ground floor, not daring to try to find the lights for fear of waking the
household and making my hostess feel at fault for not asking me about my needs.
I cautiously opened a door. Immediately there was a cacophony of barking and
paws and legs as two Jack Russell’s and one great retriever leapt on me. I tried to
calm them down. One Jack Russell rushed past me
toward the front of the house, the retriever squeezed through a cat flap
to the grounds outside, followed by the second Jack Russell.
 Unnerved, I made it to the kitchen and
having located the tea, opened every cupboard door looking for a mug or tumbler. Of course
I agonised over which cup my hostess would want me
to use. I chose one that looked as if it
wasn’t a match or part of a set, and carried my tea back to my room, feeling rather
like a burglar.
How
to be a perfect guest
Bring a gift - flowers, a houseplant, chocolate, a
good bottle of wine or perhaps a small ornament you know would be welcomed.
Guests have to sing for their supper: be both
sociable and enthusiastic, as well as independent enough not to be under the host’s
feet all the time. Find out your hosts’ schedule. Check papers for art galleries,
theatre, whatever. Get a local transport
schedule.
While you may be encouraged to feel at home, it is
important to fit in with the foibles of the host, no matter how galling. If the family insists on keeping the telly on, or
zapping from station to station, keep your cool. Remember
it is a kind of compliment when they behave as they would without you.
Offer to help with the cooking and the washing up.
But confess if you can’t even boil an egg, and accept graciously (and gratefully) if
your host declines the offer. There may be
something else you can do to suit your talents. A
very nice thankyou is to offer to take the hosts out to dinner one night, but if this
would upset your bank manager, offer tea or lunch, or buy in some small food luxuries
instead.
A three day visit is usually considered enough. There is a saying -
guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. Offer
to strip the bed linen unless you know there is an army of staff to do it.
The good host
Fill your
guest in on the household’s schedule. Meal
times, how to make their own tea or coffee if they get up early or prefer to sleep in,
when you like to retire, how many people are sharing the bathroom
Laterlife would
like to hear about your experiences as host or guest.
Email guestexperiences@laterlife.com
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