How embarrassing?
Being young is definitely more embarrassing than
being old. Remember those first-time occasions - date, party, interview - and their
blush-making potential? Remember how
the family, and parents in particular, could make you squirm?
Youthful embarrassment can be wonderfully
pointless when you look back on it.
I remember
in my early teens going to some kind of community social with my mother. I was wearing a blue skirt and was - inexplicably
- deeply embarrassed to see that the
fluorescent lighting gave it a purplish tone. I
skulked in a corner, trying to be invisible and was doubly mortified when some youth, also
with his mother, came over and asked me to dance. Try
psyching yourself into invisibility when you’re on the dance floor watched by - well whom exactly? And why should it matter?
 Later, in my twenties, with my future husband, we had a First
Time experience in a restaurant. We were
in Cannes, and with great courage went to what seemed to be an upmarket restaurant
recommended in the Michelin Guide. The place
was deserted, and we had to walk past acres of white tablecloths to our seats by the
window. We ordered one of the more
modestly-priced fixed-menu meals, being conscious of our budget, and then the waiter
placed a bowl of olives on the table. We
both stared uncertainly at this bowl. It was
around 1960, when olives didn’t make many appearances in the UK restaurants that we
frequented.
‘Is it
a mistake?’ I whispered. ‘Should we
say something? What will it add to the
bill?’ My future husband, ever cautious,
said, ‘Best not to eat them.’
And so we sat, hardly daring to talk, staring at
that bowl of olives till the waiter took them away. Only
then could we relax and stop feeling vulnerable and inexperienced, both of which we were.
Getting
older inevitably means fewer first times and more experience, so I’ve been thinking:
what embarrasses us in laterlife?
My husband came up with a couple of ideas: Being the oldest person in the restaurant,
concert, cinema, etc. Falling asleep and
snoring in public.
I added: Making a comment in a meeting and then
realising that someone has said it already but you’d missed it because your mind had
wandered. Having a really Bad Exercise Day at
the gym. Realising that you have a very
Visible Panty Line because you’re top is short and your leggings are tight, also at
the gym.
 The really good thing about writing down a list of
embarrassing moments is that you immediately recognise how absolutely absurd they are. You
may also find that laterlife embarrassing moments have more on common with earlierlife
embarrassing moments than you realised. The other really good thing is that, if nothing
else, it proves that you are young in heart, for better or for worse.
Send me your laterlife list of embarrassing
moments. No names will be mentioned unless
you request it - just to save you embarrassment of course.
email to helen@laterlife.com
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Talkback is a regular
feature in laterlife.com run by journalist and author Helen Franks. 
