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Welcome back to the
family
 Around this time of year, with Christmas coming up,
a familiar cry is heard. ‘Oh what a bore
to spend time with the family’ say the
ungrateful young, unaware that many people do not have the warmth and comfort of family
life on offer, and find the festive time solitary and lonely.
But perhaps this year will be a little different. The Social Market Foundation recently published a report saying that people in their twenties and thirties are
nowadays likely to return from time to time to the comforts of the familial hearth
when they can’t find university accommodation, or finances get tough or marriages
fail, or they can’t afford to buy a home of their own.
Certainly this echoes our experience.
The oldest, along with partner, 2-year-old and new baby came back to us and stayed five months while they were househunting.
Our second daughter moved back home after university,
stayed till the untender age of 28 and came back again with partner and small child
for six weeks last year while their house buy was finalised. Our son also moved back home after university and
didn’t get out till the age of 26.
Back in the 1950s and before, most children stayed at home till they married, and
sometimes afterwards too, when the young couple shared with the older generation till they
could afford a home of their own. When some of the more daring singles got themselves a
furnished flat or bedsitter, it was regarded as deserting the family and not quite
respectable.
Then we got to a stage when parents positively
expected their children to leave home by the time they were in their twenties.
Children who didn’t budge were considered unadventurous, over-clinging. Parents who wanted them to stay were thought of as
possessive, not letting go of the apron-strings.
What goes around, comes around,
though usually with a sting in the tail.
What’s different from the
parents of the 1950s is that parents today don’t need to be persuaded to let their
children go, and are not necessarily that keen to have them back. The empty nest often spells freedom, and perhaps
includes downsizing the family home to release money for holidays, a second home, and also
of course to help the children put down a deposit for their own first home.
But of course most parents are also delighted to know
that their children feel comfortable about returning home and we do, if only on a
temporary basis, genuinely welcome them. No longer
their moral guardians, we can leave them to follow their own lifestyles with amused
tolerance and only the very occasional raised eyebrow.
 Peace between the generations at last. A thumbs up for family life. And let’s hope
there’ll be no more moans about going home for
Christmas.
Have a good one!
Got any contributions to THAT’S later LIFE? Send them to Helen@laterlife.com
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Talkback is a regular
feature in laterlife.com run by journalist and author Helen Franks. 
