Relationships - September 2011It could be you ....
Previously in Relationships...
108. Retirement is an anti-climax 107. Later life affair needn't be an end Relationships ![]() Every month Maggi Stamp, a qualified and experienced relationship counsellor in private practice after 20yrs with Relate, writes about some of the emotional challenges we meet as we pass our half-way markers. For reasons of confidentiality Maggi never writes about a particular person's problems unless you have sent one in to be answered, but all her examples are based on problems raised by clients, family and friends over the years. You can write to Maggi at maggi@laterlife.com for her to respond in the column.
IT COULD BE YOU... I wish I could relax the way my dog does.Dear Maggi
Maggi Replies So many people fear the word stress. We are assailed by stories in the media by health gurus and experts of all kinds who assure us that cutting stress from our lives will make everything else fall into place. It is not itself an illness, more a state of health. Stress is a natural physical and emotional reaction to any factor that threatens the health of the body. When our fiftieth birthday has come and gone, amid congratulations or commiserations, it seems stresses can build in a way that we find hard to deal with. Whether it is children being tricky teens or leaving home, looking after or losing a parent, marital or health problems, money difficulties or worrying about redundancy or a mean pension, all seem heavier loads to bear than the worries of earlier years. We are often told how bad it is for us but we need some stress in our lives. Without stress we probably wouldn’t even bother to get out of bed in the morning or speed up when crossing the road. All of these examples end in some sort of new and positive skill in our armoury. If a baby cries when he or she gets hungry, mother/food arrives and stage one communication skills are learned. When we learn to stand and lift a foot to take the first step we will sometimes fall, learning from the experience and gaining better balance. When we sit an exam or driving test or have a job interview, we revise or practise, anxious lest we forget something crucial. Once it is over we have opened another door of opportunity in life or learned more about where we need to improve our skills. Falling in love is regarded as a wholly pleasant and desirable experience, but the heart beats faster, our temperature rises and we perspire more; we are distracted, unable to get the person out of our mind. We are in a state of tension and stress. Even pleasure is exhausting. Stress, in the right circumstances and in the right amount, can be our friend and informer. It is when stress piles upon stress that it tends to lower resistance to illness. Then we ignore it at our peril. Try to combat the effects of your stress by attacking the problem on several fronts: Step one: Communicate with key people. At work, talk to your line-manager. Ask for added support. At home, do the same with your husband. Step two: Delegate the work you are not experienced in to one of your employees who, you say, has been involved in site management for some years. At home, ask your husband to take over the day-to-day running of the house and prepare evening meals. Ask your son to share these tasks and encourage him to search for another job as soon as possible. Step three: Care for yourself. Book yourself regular weekends away, sometimes with your husband but also, at times, visiting friends alone for a solo break from it all. Because you recognise that tension is leading to your eating and drinking more and you are feeling unfit, join a fitness club or take up some other regular body-challenging exercise. You know that, being over fifty, you do need to be more careful about health and fitness, especially as your stress levels have increased. Don’t be downhearted, take regular stock of how your life balances. Don’t panic about stress. In the right amounts, it’s good for you Take a look at this book, it has something to fit most stressful situations: Stress proof your life: 52 Brilliant Ideas for Taking Control
You can write to Maggi at maggi@laterlife.com for her to respond in the column.
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