Living in their Own Home

On the face of it, parents living in their own home seems the best option. They retain their independence, they are not uprooted from the home that they love and you, the children, can feel that they are retaining their dignity. They may also be able to get support from social Services.

On the other hand, they may feel that they are lonely and isolated, especially if you and other family members live some way away. It may also mean that their home needs modification, with the installation of ramps, a stair lift and other living aids. To get more information on living aids, go to our Living Aids section. You may also need to think about things such as heating and lighting modifications, access to cupboards, high chairs and bathroom handrails.

The feeling of loneliness and isolation that they feel might transmit itself to you, making you feel guilty and feeling that you have to make constant visits to see them. This might disrupt your family life and cause tensions all round. It can be a pretty distressing experience for you, the carer. If you go to www.carers.org/carers-chat you can join in a message board with people who do have difficult situations looking after elderly parents who live in their own homes.

However, it may well be that living in their own home is what your parents want to do and it may well be the best solution. If so, and if they need help with day-to-day jobs and so on, there may be help available from social services. There is the meals-on-wheels service, day centres and local pensioners' groups that may be able to help. Your elderly parents may get help in carrying out personal and/or household tasks in order for them to be able to live at home and, depending on their circumstances, they may get financial help in paying for these services. For more information, you should contact your parents' local Social Services department. They will be in the local phone book under 'Local government'. Before you do this, however, go to www.direct.gov.uk to see exactly what's available and how to go about getting it.

Don't forget, too, the critical role that neighbours can play. If your parents have good neighbours, you should ask them to keep an eye open for your elderly parents and ask them to pop in from time to time to check how they are. On the other hand, lack of friendly neighbours may be a factor in deciding if living in their own home is, in fact, the best solution for your elderly parents.

At the time of this Guide being written, the Care Services Minister, Ivan Lewis, is launching a five-point transformation plan for debate and comment concerning social care - the help that old people can get in their own homes. Amongst other things, he is talking about older people and their families having individual budgets to spend as they wish when it comes to social care. This is separate to nursing care, which is usually provided in nursing homes, which Mr Lewis is also addressing.

It may be that your parents would benefit from a live-in carer. if so, there are some private organisations that provide this service. Go to www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk to see the type of service that can be provided. Alternatively, you might want carers to call in at certain times to your parents' home. This might be done by social services or, again, you can do it privately. Do investigate the cost - you might find it cheaper to go to a local private organisation than to do it through social services. Either way, your parents will have to pay, unless they are unable to look after themselves properly and so qualify for attendance allowance, which is based on the amount of care they need. It is tax free and not means tested. To pay privately, with no attendance allowance, will probably cost you in the region of ?10-?12 per hour during weekdays, ?13-?14 at weekends and ?19-?20 at Bank holidays and they'll do whatever is necessary whilst they're there. Through social services, it will probably cost around ?17 per hour for 'Personal Home Care' (help with washing, dressing etc) and ?12 for 'Community Support' (help with the shopping and so on). These are approximate figures for 2010.

For more information about all aspects of having care provision at home go to Counsel and Care.

If your elderly parents are quite capable of looking after themselves but you feel that you want to be in close contact, you can buy an alarm system that, once your parent has pressed it, it rings your phone and you can talk to them to assess the situation. An alternative is to record their calls, be notified when they use the phone or even listen in on their home through the net. Go to www.phone-007.com You might also feel that a system whereby your elderly parent can ring a call centre who will then immediately connect them with you, a relation, a friend or the emergency services is a good idea. If so, take a look at our page on UK Home Security.

Whilst your elderly parents are fit and healthy it makes sense for them to live at home, particularly if you live quite close. However, as they get more frail then, whilst it may still be the best option, other choices come into play. So go to the link box and read about the alternatives.